2 Month Check-up

I went to Seattle for my 2 month post-op check-up a couple weeks ago.  All is well.  They had me take x-rays first and everything was still in place and looking good.  Dr. Sethi was very pleased with how things looked and reiterated what an amazing correction they were able to achieve.  He asked me about medication and told me I needed to be off all the prescription drugs in 2-3 weeks.

I went home and decided I was more emotionally attached to the meds than needing them physically.  After experiencing such excruciating pain I was afraid to have pain again.  I had only been taking hydromorphone once a day anyhow so I dropped that all together.  The Lorazepam I switched from two times a day to once a day.  I decided I didn't need the baclofen either because it was for muscle spasms and I hadn't been having any.  So after a week and a half I was only taking Tylenol (3 times daily).  Now I take Tylenol about twice a day and seem to be doing fine.  My muscles get kind of tired and achy but not really painful.  Sometimes my shoulders still burn, like after a good walk with trekking poles, but an ice pack works wonders. 

My incision is healing well.  

A week ago I really felt like I had turned a corner in my recovery.  There were a couple of busy days in a row.  I had been sitting up far longer than I do most days, had to go someplace in the afternoon and the evening.  Pre-surgery I would have been in horrible pain, wearing my TENS unit, and not been able to sleep that night because of pain.  Instead I felt tired, my back muscles felt fatigued but I wasn't in pain and I didn't have any trouble sleeping.  Yay me!

I've been walking a mile most days.  It feels good to get out and enjoy the cooler autumn weather.  A few days ago I walked two miles.  That was too far.  I was so slow on my way back and my back muscles were very sore.

I'm not good at really opening up to my feelings and struggles but here's a glimpse.  Hopefully I don't sound like I'm whining.  I'm just really trying to understand what's going on in my head.

Regardless of how well I was doing physically I was really struggling emotionally. Which is why it took me so long to post an update. I was just feeling too depressed. It was much easier to lay around and do nothing when I was so tired.  Now that my brain wasn't drugged up and my body was feeling better it was much more frustrating to do nothing.  It's difficult to be so dependent on other people.  I have tried to do more but I have to be very careful or it is painful.  There's not much I can do when I'm not supposed to bend, twist or lift over 10 pounds.  Even getting dinner in the oven can be tricky.  Straddle the oven door, bend the knees, try not to get burned...  I need to be very careful not to damage anything.  Squatting and kneeling to pick things up is very exhausting.  I helped my son clean his room using my grabber but it was somewhat challenging. 

I still struggle with having to wear this back brace.  It's uncomfortable, restrictive and it makes me so hot.  But more than that I have been hating it for how it makes me look.  I feel like I've been deformed by my scoliosis for so long that I was really looking forward to my new improved back and body.  So, I have this "normal" body now but I have to cover it with this horrible brace.  I feel so bulky, awkward and lumpy.  Sounds kind of vain.  It's helped me better understand the pressures some women feel to look a certain way.  I've felt like a teenager again struggling with my self-image and self-consciousness.  I don't like being different and sticking out.  I'm much more or a sit in the back and try to not draw attention to myself kind of person. ;)  So I had a good talk and cry about it with my therapist husband and am feeling a bit better about it.  Still haven't embraced the brace but I'll tolerate it until February.     

I have really had to force myself to go out walking in the morning.  If I don't go in the morning I probably won't go at all.  Although now the the weather is cooling down it isn't so bad going out in the afternoon too.  In the heat I instantly break into a prickly sweat under this back brace.  I've also had to force myself to eat more and healthy foods.  Sometimes having to eat so much gets terribly boring.  Not complaining, just stating a fact. 

I've talked to a few people about my struggles.  I'm not sure what to tell them when they ask what they can do.  I guess just check up on me.  Text me, visit me, go on a walk with me, ask me if I've eaten.  I'm going to start driving soon and I'm a little nervous about it.  Turning to look over my shoulder is difficult so I'm not sure how safe I feel.  I plan to just drive short distances at first.  Hopefully this new freedom with help lift my spirits.

Among my many wonderful blessings is having my mom be able to come help me on Thursdays and Fridays.  So, as I watch my house fall apart during the week, my mom comes in at the end of the week and whips it back into shape.  (My kids try to stay up on there chores but some days are som busy with schoolwork and other activities)  She's also been able to get my kids to and from appointments.  It's such a relief to know that help is on the way!