Seeking Normalcy

Ever since being home from the hospital I have tried to be involved in my family's normal routine.  I find comfort and healing in continuing on in our lives as much as I can.  There is something wonderful about not being able to do much but still be able to be a semi-active participant in the life of my family.

Sometimes that means just laying in bed while the family gathers around for family scripture study and prayer.  Or having to lay down half way through my son's 20 minute session of reading to me.  I used to have my daughter sit down while I did her hair now that is reversed.  I have to sit down while she stands in front of me.  I enjoy it anyhow.  Just still being a part of the family activities. 

Speaking of returning to normal routines I was able to go to church with my family today.  I wasn't sure I could manage it both pain wise and socially.  It turned out just fine.  I did take an extra half of a pain pill and placed an instant heat pack under my back brace.  I only attended the first meeting and was quite worn out and ready to go rest at home.  It was wonderful just being there and being happily  greeted by my church family.  I'm looking forward to slowly building up the ability to attend all my church meetings. 

My son was happy to have me sitting next to him at church.  He drew this awesome picture of us hugging.



Love

 

Like a Red Rubber Ball

I've been home almost two weeks.  I can honestly say my emotions have been bouncing all over the place.  I'm guesssing it is a combination of lack of sleep, medications, unrealistic expectations, etc.  I've never been a rational or happy person when I'm lacking sleep.  This has fed my up and down thoughts.  Some days I wondered why I chose to do this surgery.  I figured I could have lasted another 10 years in the pain I was in (not really)...but eventually I would need the surgery.  I've cried over my loss of mobility, loss of self.  I question if when it's all said and done whether I'll be any better off.  Will I still be me?  Will I be able to dance, do yoga and all the other things I love?  I know from other's experiences I will.  I will be a new and improved me, where I can move without the constant pain.  Where I can simply go to the grocery store and push a shopping cart without feeling like I'm going throw-up from so much pain. 

My first night home I recall waking, startled over and over.  I think I felt like I was going to roll out of bed.  Really rolling wasn't that easy for me yet so it was a bit of an unrealistic fear.  The first week I just simply did not sleep well.  I was still waking to take walks in the night to try to ease my tight muscles, as well as, waking to stay on my med schedule.  I felt a bit zombie like through the day.  I napped frequently. 

Now into my second week I am sleeping quite a bit better.  I ususally sleep through my alarms for taking my medicine.  I'm a bit more alert throughout the day and generally just take a couple very deep naps.  With more alertness also comes boredom.  :)  I've been trying to stay busy reading, watching Netflix and trying to get my blog up-to-date.  It is just really hard to sit for more than 20 minutes at a time.  I've made it up to 40 but quickly had to retreat to my bed to lay flat and ice my back. 

I have spent many nights praying and listening to hymns of worship.  My testimony of prayer has been repeatedly strengthened through this experience.  It brings me such peace and strength.  I recall one night in particular waking up and deciding to check my email.  I had received an email from a dear friend.  The day before she had brought my family dinner.  I had been having a rough, pain-filled day.  I came downstairs to say thank-you and ended up just crying and hugging her.  Anyhow, so she sent me an email the next day sharing some of her favorite hymns.  I ended up listening to them right then and continued to go through and play (and sing along with ) more hymns on my phone until I fell asleep.  I slept so well!  "For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads." Doctrine & Covenants 25:12

After about a week and a half of being home I really felt like I had gotten through the worst of the significant pain.  I felt like it was more tolerable which seemed to lift my spirits a bit. 

I still randomly burst into tears.  Sometime this happens when I've had to take a car ride somewhere.  By the time I am heading back home I am in so much pain I am just crying.  It's a catch 22, driving faster just makes me feel every bump and strain around every corner and driving slower, while less painful, just takes longer.  As soon as I get home from an excursion in the car I immediately head to my room to remove my back brace and either put and ice pack or heat pad on my back.  I really liked the heat more at first but icing has felt much better lately. 

A week ago I went to my primary care doctor here at home and had my staples removed.  I was rather nervous about this.  I had 57 staples in my back.  Thankfully only about 8 of them kind of pinched/pulled.  About 2 hurt extremely!  Not too bad overall.

Getting un-zipped ;)

All my staples!

Sometimes the emotions from this surgery have been more difficult to deal with than the physical pain.  It's nice having a  husband in mental health.  He tells me to give myself permission to just cry and helps me see through the unrealistic thoughts I have.  He helps me remember to to look forward to the end goal.  I won't alwasy be at this place emotionally and physically.  In fact I can already see the progress I've made.  I move with much more ease, I walk further with less pain, I can a few more things independently.  I drop things a lot.  I always have but it is just much more evident now that I can't pick thing up myself (without my grabber).  We had a good laugh yesterday as I fumbled and knocked several things off my bedside table.  It feels good to laugh.   

I have enjoyed the visits from friends, flowers, card, messages of encouragement.  We've been so greatful for the delicious meals which have been brought in daily.  We are so blessed by so many wonderful people in our lives!

Heading Home

Getting ready to leave the hospital

My surgeon had originally anticipated sending me home on Friday the 8th.  With pain regulation taking a bit longer than expected he decided to keep me at the hospital until Monday the 11th instead.  We were able to have family friends who lived in the area come pick us up from the hospital and drive us to the airport.  Thank you Dave and Sako!  We are so grateful for their kindness and careful driving!

I had debated whether it would be easier to drive the 3 1/2 hours home or fly.  My sister offered us her frequent flyer miles which made that a possibility.  In the end we opted for flying home.  It was a 38 minute flight. 

We had called ahead and requested wheelchair service.  When we arrive at the curb a wheelchair was quickly brought over.  Joe was in line to check us in (and it was hot) so the guy offered to take me inside.  Here begins my misery.  He just left me at the bottom of the ramp.  People were walking around me, I couldn't turn around and see where Joe was at.  The chair!  The chair was hard as a rock and complete torture.  I'm sure I was looking pretty miserable as a very kind TSA man came over.  He asked if I was waiting for someone and offered to move me out of the flow of traffic.  There was a wheelchair waiting area just around the side of the ramp.  He turned me so I could watch for Joe.  When Joe finally got us checked-in and came inside he could see the pain on my face.  I moved to a regular chair and Joe sent someone on a quest to find a better wheelchair with some give that would be a bit more comfortable.  After a bit of a wait a real wheelchair was located for me and I was wheeled to security. 

The wheel chair of torture!

When I got to security I was wheeled to wait for an agent to be available to do a pat down while my husband was stuck in a line to go through security.  Once again I could not see my husband I was just dropped off to wait.  This was all very anxiety provoking for me.  Eventually Joe made it through the line before they were able to check me.  I was so happy to see him!  As he walked over to check on me he was stopped and told he couldn't touch me until I had been through security too.  Seeing me in pain and being told he could touch me were a bit too much for him.  He was extremely upset and let them know I was in pain and I had been waiting long enough.  Someone quickly came along and took me to a tiny, hot room for my pat down.  Yes, I want my husband to come with me.  Can you raise your arms? No. Can you lean to the side and bend over?  No.  And do NOT touch my back I just had spine surgery.  It wasn't much of a pat down but they did do the little strips to test for explosive residue. 

Finally after making it through security I was pushed to our gate.  Those wheelchair pushers are crazy!  It was like a scary ride with the speeds they were going.  Fortunately he was very careful on the bumps but the corners were insane.  We waited at the gate for a bit but I had to find a place to lay down.  I was in so much pain.  We were directed to some benches not far from our gate.  With Joe's assistance, so I would roll right off the bench, I was able to lay down and rest my aching back until it was time to load. 

My selfie just after laying down to rest on the bench.

 

We were in row 5 but got bumped up to row 2.  Someone came with another very narrow wheelchair to take be up the ramp to the plane.  I was able to get in my seat with out any problems.  Sadly I found out the seats do not recline.  I popped in headphones, listened to music and prayed this would be the shortest 38 minutes of my life.  The last 15 minutes I was in intense pain.  When we finally landed I could not wait to get off.  I had trouble getting my arm rest up and started panicking.  Joe tried and then asked the neighbour across the aisle to help me.  He struggled a bit to get it up but was finally successful.  People began to stand.  I think the stewardess was waiting for my wheelchair but it was taking awhile so she started letting people off the plane.  The man across from me offered to let me go before he which I gratefully accepted.  The stewardess asked if I wanted to wait for my wheelchair but I just couldn't.  I felt so hot, panicked, and in pain so I decided to just walk off.  My kind neighbor once again got me a wheelchair while Joe picked up my walker next to the plane.  He pushed me into the air conditioned airport and turned me so I could watch for Joe.  He was a very kind man!  Joe came and took me over to a seat I could lay down at while he grabbed our luggage. Shortly thereafter we headed out and got in  my dad's car.  I reclined my seat and tried to get as comfortable as possible. 


 

 

I have never been so happy to be home!  I climbed out of the car as was met by my mom and all my kids.  I used my walker to get inside and climbed my stairs.  On the way up I saw a hanging on the wall filled with hand-prints.  My church had an activity for all the women and girls while I was in the hospital.  The theme was Sisters Hand in Hand.  One of the activities they did was to leave their hand-print and name on this wall hanging for me.  I was so touch by their love and kindness I couldn't speak.  I just cried.

It had been an exhausting trip and I immediately went to bed with ice and heat on my back.  :)  I had finally made it home.  Now it was time to heal.



I'm home!
 

It was a pretty miserable flight but after making a couple 20 minute car rides since being home I still feel flying was the better decision.

Side Story: Switching Rooms

So, while I started out in room 1765 I ended up in room 1774.  The first room was a shared room.  We had hoped no one would be moved in there but alas late Tuesday night another patient arrived.  They were quite loud and flipped on all the lights.   I was feeling quite miserable.  About a half hour later Joe got up and asked them if they could turn down the lights in my area which they did, as well as, quieted down a bit.  The next morning the nurse came in and told Joe he would no longer be able to stay in my room through the night because the other patient was uncomfortable with him there.  That didn't go over well with Joe...at...all.  He firmly suggested they figure something out because he was going to be staying with me throughout my recovery.  Later that afternoon they came in and let us know they would be moving me to a private room.  I'm so thankful for a husband who doesn't back down and stands up for me and my recovery needs.  I needed him there with me!  Nights were the worst for me and I can't imagine having to go through them without him there to help and comfort me.  The nursing staff was great but they have more than just me as a patient and there is only so much they could do. 

Showers, visitors, and Physical Therapy...Oh my!

The medication began to be regulated a bit better and I was able to do a bit more in the hospital.  I was actually able to take a couple showers.  My wound was healing so well that once they removed the bandage they didn't have to cover it again.  Also once I stopped draining they could remove the drains from my wound and I was able to shower.  It felt amazing!

I had a few visitors which really brightened my days. 

My sister and her husband came up from Vancouver for a visit.  They brought me a gift from my family members.  I love my awesome Wonder Woman waterbottle!

It was filled with chocolates (which Joe took care of for me).  Also a past mission companion of Joe's came by with his wife.  Here is what Joe wrote about that visit:

Today, by the power and authority of the priesthood Melissa received a blessing of healing and strength. By this power she was blessed that her body would heal properly and fully. She was blessed to find relief from her overwhelming levels of pain. She was blessed with comfort and spiritual peace. As the blessing was being pronounced upon her by my good missionary friend Jerry Bostron, the power of God was present. The power was real and undeniable. I share my witness and gratitude for the restoration of the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is the lifeblood of what makes Melissa and I tick. It sustains us in all we are and all that we do. For our Facebook friends who are not of our faith, we encourage you to learn more about the restored gospel and the restored authority of Gods power to bless your lives. God has given us more tools of healing and faith than of prayer alone, he has also given us the power of his priesthood. We love the Lord Jesus Christ with all our hearts and thank him for his mercy and grace. It was wonderful to visit with them and knowing that wherever I am I have to opportunity to be blessed by good, faithful people.  I just wish I could more adequately express my gratitude to them without all the tears.  I'm a crier!

 

Hittin' the Stairs

I also had visits from physical therapy twice a day.  It was quite exhausting!  I walked halls, climbed stairs, and learned a few exercises like point/flex toes, small squats, etc.  I even took a walk with Joe down to the cafeteria once and out to a garden terrace.  Pretty adventurous.  Each day seemed a little better.  The nursing staff commented on how much better I was looking.  But then they also celebrated when Joe let them know I had a bowel movement.  So I think nurses are pretty easy to please.  ;)

Garden Terrace



A feel good moment

Keep on Walking

My view of the city from the 17th floor

 

More Pain, Back Spasms, and Nausea

Joe stayed with me until about 10:30 in the evening.  He reluctantly went back to the hotel to sleep for a while.  I tried to sleep that night but an annoying alarm went off every time I fell asleep because apparently I wasn't breathing deeply enough.  They had a breathing sensor placed in front of my mouth.  And just as I began to sleep restfully, "BEEP - BEEP - BEEP!"  Needless to say it made life miserable.  I wish this had been the only problem I had to deal with my first night.  I don't remember exactly when, but I recall waking up feeling cold.  I asked the nurse for an extra blanket.  Within a few minutes I started shaking uncontrollably. I started to panic when I realized that I had a feeling of numbness spreading throughout my body.  It started in my arms and spread into my neck and face. There was a nurse outside my door that heard me becoming upset.  She came in and offered to call for the doctor. The doctor came in and completed a neurological sensory exam.  He was with me for over an hour checking all my fluids and trying to figure out what was wrong.  The numbness lasted for many hours and eventually faded.  Before moving me to a regular hospital room, they had me sit and stand. I was told by my surgeon prior to surgery that I would be up and moving a day after surgery to promote healing and to wake up my digestive system.  Let me just tell you, it was scary and painful standing so soon after my surgery!

After surviving the night I was moved from CCU to the 17th floor, room 1765.  Later that day and throughout the remainder of the week they began to ween me off the Hydro-Morphone pump.  They wanted me taking oral pain killers as soon as possible saying that it would lead to a speedier recovery.  Plus it would allow me to be more mobile so I could do physical therapy.  As they eased me off the pump my muscle spasms and pain increased quickly.  For the next several days I had long periods of excruciating pain that could only be effectively combated with an IV dose of painkiller and muscle relaxants, as opposed to oral medications.  I remember the dreadful spasms that started in my lower back and wrapped around my waist going up through my chest and entire upper body.  They were horrible.  I got up several times a night and walked the halls to relax my muscles.  For whatever reason my muscle spasms got really bad at night.  The anesthesiologists continued to tweak my medications trying to find the perfect balance of effective pain relief without causing excessive drowsiness.  For awhile there I was so out of it during the day because of all the medications that I couldn't eat and it made doing physical therapy very difficult.  During the first few days I also experienced a great deal of nausea when trying to eat.  Joe put a cold washcloth on my forehead and gave me a steady supply of ice to chew and water to drink.  I was also given anti-nausea medication and a barf bag just in case.  Thankfully I never had to use the barf bag.  

I was either awake and in pain or completely out of it.  Here I am trying to brush my hair and falling asleep in the process.  Finding the right balance of treating my pain effectively and not over drugging me to the point of loopiness was difficult. 

Here I am fighting the pain and holding onto my barf bag!

Surgery Day!

I awoke Monday morning, August 4th at 4:30 A.M. and began preparing for the surgery.  I applied a second round of Chlorheidine Gluconate Antiseptic Prep wipe.  A short 45 minutes later Joe and I left the hotel, walked across the street arriving at the surgical reception area around 5:20 A.M.  

Me at 5:20 A.M. just prior to checking in with the surgery receptionist. 

I checked in with receptionist. He assigned me a patient number and gave me my ID bracelet.  The patient number would allow Joe to follow the stages of my surgery on the reader board screen. 

Picture of the surgery reader board.  My patient number was 9450.  Joe was able to track my surgery progress here.  The first message Joe saw was "Patient in Surgery Prep", followed by "Patient in OR", "Surgery Started", "Patient in Recovery 6", and "Discharged from Recovery".  

After what seemed like a very short wait in the reception area a nurse came and took me back to the surgery prep area.  She had me changed into a hospital gown and put on some compression socks.  After checking my vitals she had me lie down on the hospital bed and covered me with this really interesting metallic appearing air-flow blanket.  She was able to easily adjust the temperature of the air to quickly heat or cool me.  



My sexy compression socks

 

Me under my air-circulating blanket. So Scifi. 

Then, in what seemed like a very quick and planned successive order I was greeted and prepped by my surgeon (Dr. Sethi), the OR nurse (Holly), the anesthesiologists (Dr. Lu and Chen, the physician assistants (Nicholas and Ken), and the neuro-physiologist (Craig).  Dr. Lu hooked me up to an IV and administered Valium.  The last thing I remember before my surgery is feeling totally relaxed.  

Most of my surgical team.  Dr. Sethi (my primary surgeon) is the one with his arm around me.




Me on my way to be moved out of the prep room to the surgery room. 

The surgery lasted approximately 6 hours, beginning around 7:30 A.M. and wrapping up at about 1:30 P.M. Midway through the surgery Dr. Lu came and spoke with Joe to inform him that everything was going well. Just after the surgery Dr. Sethi met with Joe.  He said he was very pleased that he had achieved better than expected results. Apparently my back was very flexible making it easier to bend it into the correct shape.  He said these were good indicators that I would have a better than expected recovery.  He told Joe that he was going to hold me in the Recovery room for an hour, possibly 2 hours at most before moving me into the Critical Care Unit (CCU).  Moving from Recovery to CCU is standard for all patients undergoing complex spine surgery.  Joe wouldn't be able to see me until I was in CCU, so when I was in Recovery for 3 hours Joe became considerably worried and frustrated. Thankfully Joe's long wait was broken up by a very appreciated visit from our next door neighbors Brad and Nellie.  I was so amazed they came to give their support.  I recall a physician assistant questioning why I was still waiting in recovery.  It seemed that I was being held there for no apparent reason. 

Brad and Nellie, the best neighbors anyone can ask for, came to wish me well during my surgery and support Joe as he waited. 

Me just after being moved to the Critical Care Unit (CCU).  At this point things weren't all that bad. 

I was moved from recovery to CCU just after 4 P.M.  Joe arrived sometime around 4:30 P.M. to find me in and out of sleep. I remember telling Joe how surprised I was that I wasn't in horrible pain.  I felt intense muscle tightness in my back, but it was tolerable.  It didn't take long for this to change for the worse. But at the moment I was excited that I had the ability to move my arms and put a spoon of ice in my mouth. I recall enjoying the soothing pressure of the blood circulation boots.  I was also able to relax thanks to my Hydro-Morphone pump button.  In my hand I held a little green light button that lit up every eight minutes reminding me to press it to receive another steady dose of powerful painkiller.  Eventually they had to shorten it to seven minutes as I continued to feel more and more pain.  

The Night Before Surgery

So, here I am, acting as Melissa's temporary Editor-in-Chief of her blog "Straightening My Scoliosis". Melissa is coherent now but is still unable to concentrate for more then a few minutes due to pain, soreness, and her medications. Plus she isn't able to sit for more than 10-15 minutes. Even then it is a very uncomfortable 10-15 minutes. Melissa is driven to write this blog as is evident by her daily pleas that I "get on it". She is determined to share her experiences with scoliosis and the surgery in hopes of being a resource to other scoliosis sufferers. And in this process I believe she has also found the cathartic and liberating effect of sharing her problems and pain with others. Sharing has given meaning and purpose to her adversity. She had hidden her pain for so long that very few knew what she was going through. And even those who were aware didn't realize the extent of it, because she chose not to call attention to it. Her friendships with family and friends were far more important than her pain, and has always been the case. For Melissa to come to the point of opening herself to share some intimate details of her life is nothing short of monumental. She may never admit it, or even recognize it, but I believe this statement to be true. Still, in sharing she would not want it to become the focal point of her relationships, but more of a bridge to understanding who, what, and why she is who she is.

So where does this leave us? What will follow is a timeline of events as dictated by Melissa and typed by me.  Melissa asked that we begin with the night before surgery continuing up through the current date.  Hopefully if all goes right we will have the blog up-to-date very soon.

Night Before Surgery

Sunday evening, knowing I wouldn't be able to eat after midnight I enjoyed my last delicious supper. I a very yummy giant Chipotle Barbacoa Burrito stuffed with black beans, cilantro lime rice, guacamole, pico de gallo, roasted chili corn salsa, sour cream, and the spicy tender shredded Barbacoa beef. It was soooooo good, but so big that I only managed to eat half of it. After enjoying the food we wandered back to our ridiculously hot, un-airconditioned hotel, The Baronness.

The Baroness Hotel across the street from Virginia Mason Hospital

The hotel was across the street from Virginia Mason Hospital where I would have my surgery, so I thought it would be the perfect place to stay the night before my surgery. And it just so happens that the hotel is owned by Virgina Mason Hospital.  But the heat was unbearable. After an unsuccessful attempt to rest we decided to escape the heat. We went across the street to the hospital and gave ourselves a self-guided tour. We found the hospital to have modern updates, like a cell phone charging station.  I was able to recharge my iPhone. So awesome.

One of several cell phone charging station in Virginia Mason Hospital

We then took to the streets of Seattle, as we wanted to give the hotel room more time to cool down. As we walked around looking at cool buildings we found a Catholic Cathedral open to the public.  We went inside and enjoyed the beautiful architecture and the quiet serentity.  At approximately 8 P.M., we figured the temperature in the hotel room would be tolerable so we went back. It was slightly cooler than earlier, but still very hot. We tried to make the best of it by positioning a fan provided by the hotel in an open window. It was frustrating to me that the hotel had fastened wire to the windows only allowing an opening of 2-4 inches. Before bed I was required to prepare my skin for surgery by showering and wiping down my body with a Chlorheidine Gluconate Antiseptic Prep Cloth. I enjoyed my last bite of chocolate before I had to begin my food fast. I could however drink water and clear liquids up to two hours before check-in. The inconvenience of not being able to sleep very well because of the heat proved to be a blessing because I was up all night drinking water making it so I wasn't so parched before surgery.

The Reality of Pain

Weeks before Melissa went into surgery (I'm writing this 3 days post surgery as Melissa sleeps restfully in her hospital bed after an agonizing day 2 and night of pain) she said to me, "You have to keep my blog up-to-date because I'm going to be so out of it." Little did I realize at the time how `on point` she would be with her statement. But being out of it is only a small fraction of the story. The subsequent pain and back spasms that developed on the second day incapacitated her to levels I am still in shock over. Had I begun updating her blog the first day of surgery my words would have been full of naivety. Shortly after her surgery I was briefed by her surgeon and told the procedure had gone very well, even better than expected. Further more he expected a better than normal recovery. My mind translated this into, "Oh, what a relief. Her pain will be less than anticipated." My naivety was only reinforced when I saw a smiling, albeit groggy Melissa a few short hours post surgery. She remarked how well she was feeling and went as far as to say it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. We quietly cheered together. 

Melissa a few hours post surgery feeling fine on her HydroMorphone drip.

Little did we realize how much her powerful painkillers were fighting back a body tormented in pain ready to strike out in a raging frenzy. You think I'm exaggerating but I am not. Ok, well, Melissa has accused me of being extreme in expression from time to time.

I may be speaking for myself, but I also believe Melissa would agree that she could not have comprehended the level of pain she would experience beginning on day two. From pure observation it was excruciating. Melissa later described her pain as being a 12 out of a 10 point maximum. And how is it ever possible to prepare yourself to observe the gut wrenching cries and pleas for relief from someone who is your heart and soul. As I watched, doing everything within my power to comfort her, I was completely helpless. Helpless! Every nerve and impulse in by body screamed, "Someone please do something to stop her pain, now!" I wanted the medical team at her side to stop the pain yesterday. In the heat of the moment, a 5 second response time from medical staff would have felt woefully inadequate. But in hindsight the medical staff moved quickly to alleviate her pain. They tried a number of things that eventually worked. But never has time gone so slow. Halfway through the pain Melissa said, "This is going to be the longest day of my life." How right she was!

Joe

Successful Surgery

The surgery was a success.  She went into surgery at 730am and the surgery was completed at 130pm.  The doctor says he got better results than what he anticipated.   Melissa is in recovery at the Critical Care Unit in Virginia Mason.  She should me moved into a regular hospital unit tomorrow.  She's out of it most of the time, which is to be expected given the power painkiller she is on.  More information will be forth coming soon...

Joe

Taller and Stronger

Tomorrow I will be taller.  I don't know why the prospect of being taller is so exciting to me,  but it is.  I was told I'll grow 1 1\2-2 inches.  I've actually lost 1 1\2 inches since high school so that will be nice getting that height back.

Tomorrow morning I check -in at 5:30 am for surgery.  Super early and I'm not sure I'm really going to sleep tonight.  Although,  right now I'm feeling remarkably calm.  I was able to receive a priesthood blessing from my dad today.  It was wonderful and brought me even greater peace.  A reminder of my Father in Heaven's love for me.

I've had a hymn running through my head for about several weeks.  It also brings me peace and strength.  It is "How Firm a Foundation".   The 3rd verse being my favorite right now:  Fear not, I am with thee: Oh, be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid.  I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, Up held by my righteous omnipotent hand.

There is a bookmark in my scriptures that I've had since I was a child.  It speaks my faith with simplicity: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheth me." -Philippians 4:13

Goodnight all.  Tomorrow's a new day!

This is How I Wear My Scoliosis

It's time to post my before pictures.  I haven't been looking forward to this.  However, I hope after surgery I'll look back at these and be amazed at my new back! :)

This is my forward bend.  I know...super freaky! The rotation of the spine pushes my shoulder way out of places but it is especially noticeable while bending.

The curve and rotation of my spine cause my waist to be uneven and one side of my rib to protrude. It's the opposite side of the shoulder that sticks out.

There you go.  Scoliosis and how it effects my physical appearance.