The Reality of Pain

Weeks before Melissa went into surgery (I'm writing this 3 days post surgery as Melissa sleeps restfully in her hospital bed after an agonizing day 2 and night of pain) she said to me, "You have to keep my blog up-to-date because I'm going to be so out of it." Little did I realize at the time how `on point` she would be with her statement. But being out of it is only a small fraction of the story. The subsequent pain and back spasms that developed on the second day incapacitated her to levels I am still in shock over. Had I begun updating her blog the first day of surgery my words would have been full of naivety. Shortly after her surgery I was briefed by her surgeon and told the procedure had gone very well, even better than expected. Further more he expected a better than normal recovery. My mind translated this into, "Oh, what a relief. Her pain will be less than anticipated." My naivety was only reinforced when I saw a smiling, albeit groggy Melissa a few short hours post surgery. She remarked how well she was feeling and went as far as to say it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. We quietly cheered together. 

Melissa a few hours post surgery feeling fine on her HydroMorphone drip.

Little did we realize how much her powerful painkillers were fighting back a body tormented in pain ready to strike out in a raging frenzy. You think I'm exaggerating but I am not. Ok, well, Melissa has accused me of being extreme in expression from time to time.

I may be speaking for myself, but I also believe Melissa would agree that she could not have comprehended the level of pain she would experience beginning on day two. From pure observation it was excruciating. Melissa later described her pain as being a 12 out of a 10 point maximum. And how is it ever possible to prepare yourself to observe the gut wrenching cries and pleas for relief from someone who is your heart and soul. As I watched, doing everything within my power to comfort her, I was completely helpless. Helpless! Every nerve and impulse in by body screamed, "Someone please do something to stop her pain, now!" I wanted the medical team at her side to stop the pain yesterday. In the heat of the moment, a 5 second response time from medical staff would have felt woefully inadequate. But in hindsight the medical staff moved quickly to alleviate her pain. They tried a number of things that eventually worked. But never has time gone so slow. Halfway through the pain Melissa said, "This is going to be the longest day of my life." How right she was!

Joe